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爱情合伙人 转贴
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On Love & Marriage
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onlyKL 评论于2015-09-16 00:57:03
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标题:soulmates----from yun 字体 [ ]   颜色[绿 ]
分类:其它 创建于:2015-08-19 被查看:87次 评论(0)   文件夹:默认文件夹

Soul mates are those individuals who can look you deeply in the eyes and, in doing so, reflect that they know you, understand you, respect you, love you, and learn from you.
 
标题:on love & marriage ------from 云无心以出岫 字体 [ ]   颜色[绿 ]
分类:心情杂想 创建于:2015-08-19 被查看:377次 评论(0)   文件夹:默认文件夹


by Rabbi Dov Heller


When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Ms. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love."

I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.

Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more. Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION #1:

Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life – bottom line - and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2:

Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust – i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.

Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION #3:

Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves?

A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing."

So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4:

How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed?

To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as a waiter, bus boy, taxi driver, etc. How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they’ll have gratitude for you - who can't do nearly as much for them!

Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION #5:

Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage ... for the worse!"

If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

 
标题:爱情合伙人 转贴 字体 [ ]   颜色[绿 ]
分类:心情杂想 创建于:2015-08-19 被查看:368次 评论(0)   文件夹:默认文件夹
《爱情合伙人》:为什么林徽因最终嫁给了梁思成而不是徐志摩。
林女神自恋,常常在夜晚写诗,还要点一炷香,摆一瓶花,穿一件白绸睡袍,面对庭院中的满池荷叶,在清风飘飘里吟咏。梁思成不仅忍了,对她登峰造极的孤芳自赏,他既没有打击也没有夸赞,而是与她一唱一和。
梁思成有点死板有余,变通不足的书呆子气,爱国心和事业心都特别强。战乱中林徽因拖着病弱的身体随着他逃亡,她用在云南大学教英文补习班的方式每月挣40元法币贴补家用,她花23元高价买一条测量古建筑的皮尺送给梁思成,她的爱和体谅不仅仅在客厅里,也在颠沛流离的路上。
逃难时,为了方便林徽因治病,梁思成学会了输液打针;为了让她暖和点,他亲自侍弄火炉,他的关心从来不是嘴上功夫,而是实实在在的体贴。
没错,这就是最合适的爱情合伙人,就像梦露说的,“如果你无法接受我最坏的一面,也不配拥有我最好的一面”,而他们,都坦然接受了对方最好和最坏的那一面,并不要求对方违心拗成自己喜欢的造型。
那么,当男男女女都对爱情失望,实际上,错误的不是爱情,而是没有找对爱情合伙人。……文本部分转载《读者》
 
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